Here I am again

I think I've been looking at the computer screen for too long, my field of vision is obscured by what looks like venetian blinds. So that's a little scary but it'll pass I'm sure, I just hope I'm not having a stroke or something.
Harry Potter is over, I sobbed like a baby in the cinema, walked out with black running down my face, it was amazing but utterly heart breaking simultaneously. I wish there was more to come; there is in a way with Pottermore, but I have no idea how in depth that is or what it involves really so I await it's arrival with bated breath.
Summer has begun, so I should be shouting from the rooftops, going out, getting drunk with my friends and having summer romances; but I don't feel like doing any of that, I would much rather stay in my bedroom and read books all summer. I have no money, no job, no relationship, nothing of any worth. So what is the point I ask. This is turning into a depressing entry I can tell, but here I am again, on the brink of tears and wondering why. Why do I feel like crying, why am I even here, what's the fucking point.
Maybe I just need some chocolate for endorphins or serotonin or whatever, but as with anything that makes you happy in the short term it'll make you fat, or unhappy, or give you cancer in the long term. But fuck it, you only live once. So how comes I have no energy to live the life I want to live, to go to places, and see things, get into trouble and worm my way out again. That girl, she's inside me, she wants to come out but I feel rooted, and tired and I just want to sleep for months and wake up when everything is better, and I have money, and love and a perfect body.
Everyone is aggravating me, my neighbours have decided that Thursday night is prime time for a cackle-fest, my mum's giggling like a five year old, my sister is nagging like she is my mother.
I don't know what I need, but it's something big, I really feel like I have a Harry Potter shaped hole in my heart, my very being. It hurts a lot. The hole used to be satisfied by a cup of tea but it's so much more than that now, I ache to my core because my childhood is over because now I have to grow up, be responsible, learn to drive, to cook, to be an adult, learn about taxes and insurance. Fuck that. I want to be here forever, when all that matters is your summer project and whether you'll have enough time to read all the books you want to.
I never want to sacrifice my reading time, because it helps me escape, helps me handle reality by slipping away to Rivendell, or Hogsmeade.
Sometimes it's a chore to breath, but I know there's always light at the end of the short tunnel, I just have to wait it out and escape somewhere.