Here I am again

I think I've been looking at the computer screen for too long, my field of vision is obscured by what looks like venetian blinds. So that's a little scary but it'll pass I'm sure, I just hope I'm not having a stroke or something.
Harry Potter is over, I sobbed like a baby in the cinema, walked out with black running down my face, it was amazing but utterly heart breaking simultaneously. I wish there was more to come; there is in a way with Pottermore, but I have no idea how in depth that is or what it involves really so I await it's arrival with bated breath.
Summer has begun, so I should be shouting from the rooftops, going out, getting drunk with my friends and having summer romances; but I don't feel like doing any of that, I would much rather stay in my bedroom and read books all summer. I have no money, no job, no relationship, nothing of any worth. So what is the point I ask. This is turning into a depressing entry I can tell, but here I am again, on the brink of tears and wondering why. Why do I feel like crying, why am I even here, what's the fucking point.
Maybe I just need some chocolate for endorphins or serotonin or whatever, but as with anything that makes you happy in the short term it'll make you fat, or unhappy, or give you cancer in the long term. But fuck it, you only live once. So how comes I have no energy to live the life I want to live, to go to places, and see things, get into trouble and worm my way out again. That girl, she's inside me, she wants to come out but I feel rooted, and tired and I just want to sleep for months and wake up when everything is better, and I have money, and love and a perfect body.
Everyone is aggravating me, my neighbours have decided that Thursday night is prime time for a cackle-fest, my mum's giggling like a five year old, my sister is nagging like she is my mother.
I don't know what I need, but it's something big, I really feel like I have a Harry Potter shaped hole in my heart, my very being. It hurts a lot. The hole used to be satisfied by a cup of tea but it's so much more than that now, I ache to my core because my childhood is over because now I have to grow up, be responsible, learn to drive, to cook, to be an adult, learn about taxes and insurance. Fuck that. I want to be here forever, when all that matters is your summer project and whether you'll have enough time to read all the books you want to.
I never want to sacrifice my reading time, because it helps me escape, helps me handle reality by slipping away to Rivendell, or Hogsmeade.
Sometimes it's a chore to breath, but I know there's always light at the end of the short tunnel, I just have to wait it out and escape somewhere.

Neglected.

Sorry for abandoning you blogger. Tumblr has taken main stage. Although I can post pictures and funny gifs it's not the right place to talk about my day or whatever.

So I'll try to get back in to using this for long rambly posts. Not that anyone reads this, but y'know if anyone visits I don't want it to be dormant :)

My first year of college is over, just in the transition period for the second year now, which is incredibly pointless but if I don't go to the lessons they don't let you carry on the course, so basically my college is a douche bag because every other college has broken up for summer now and I still have a few weeks to go -.- Although it does give me more quality time with my favourite person.

Life in general is pretty alright at the moment, I'm so skint that I have to borrow money all the time like a fucking sponger which I hate, but everything is going okay. I'm surviving, and this summer, I've promised myself that I'll start living. I've got a plan to snatch up the one person who has my attention, who knows if it will work or not, but as a good friend once said, you miss 100% of the chances you don't take. That's what made me think, fuck yes I'm going to try my hardest, and if it doesn't work out then at least I won't have any regrets.

I'm seeing my best friend tomorrow morning to watch Dexter, and fuck about :) then I have a barbeque to go to, which should be lovely :) despite a certain someone being there, but I'm not going to say a word to him, act as if he isn't there. However, if he attempts to say even one word to me I will drop that fucker before the sound has the chance to leave his mouth.

Then Friday I'm having a pub lunch which my two ladies, then we're off to the local music festival thing for a nice day out, I just hope the nice weather decides to grace us with its presence. Apparently the theme is WWII, vintage cars and old pictures, I am so in there :) I want to get some batteries for my camera so I can take a few pictures, bang them on tumblr :3

I usually use this for depressing entries and when I need to rant, but I think it needs to have a bit more of a glass half full kind of feel to it, so I'm going to try to post something at least once a week.

Well, until next week, or before if you're lucky (lol no one reads this anyway) I'm off to play generations and become well and truly addicted. G'night xo