School, College, and Sims.

The end of my school life is closing in on me, and I couldn't welcome it any quicker; but there is so much school work that I am still yet to do.
Everytime I look at a mock maths exam all I want to do is break down because after 5 years of maths I still can't answer any of the questions without help from someone.
Chemistry and Physics are the same, I'm totally fine with Biology, I can retain information for biology with no trouble, but you start giving me silly formulae for chemistry, physics and maths and I shut down. I get so frustrated when I can't do things ¬¬
I was originally planning to do biology and chemistry A Levels at college, pah! Fat chance of that now. So after too many nights of crying myself to sleep, not knowing what the fucking hell I'm going to do with my life, I have drawn the conclusion that it's not the end of the world. I've always had a set path for myself, career wise, I used to want to be a lawyer, then an accountant, then a forensic scientist; to be honest I don't have the skills required for any of these careers.
So I stopped panicking for a minute, and tried to figure out what I'm good at, I always get A's in English if I try, so I guess that qualifies as being good. So I'm taking English Lit/Lang as one of my A level subjects, english just comes naturally to me, and I really enjoy it.
Another subject I loved doing was History, I got a B in my GCSEs so why not take it up for A levels, considering the course is on Nazi Germany, I think I'll do okay. It was my favourite history unit.
Then I'll be taking Psychology and Art. The scary thing is I don't know where all this is going to lead me, and that frightens me so much; not knowing what I'm going to do.
Oh and on top of all that stress, I'm getting fat. All of my fat trousers are now snug ¬¬ Fuck, I make myself feel sick. How could anyone stand to look at me. I'm ugly and fucking fat. I think I might just become a crazy cat lady.

I'm such a coward, I always think to myself, well if my plans don't work out I'll just kill myself. It's the easy way out, a couple dozen pills, a razor blade and a lovely hot bath. I worry myself because that, to me, sounds far too inviting.

I'm off to play out a dream life on Sims, where I, and only I have control.